Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
