He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
