I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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