you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
