Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
