Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
