it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
