Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Walk of Shame today included voting.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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