You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The Olympian is in my bed
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