I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was confusing and full of hummus
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
