I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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