I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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