The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
