Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
