You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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