My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
