i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
