Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
