oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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