I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
