You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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