i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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