New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
