Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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