I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
