Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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