So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize