So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
