I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
