i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
