Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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