Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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