i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
