Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
