she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Randomize
