if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
