Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
