dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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