I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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