glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
