I wish I could punch you in the face.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
