my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
