guys are only as good as the porn they watch
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
