She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
