i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
