Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
