he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
