I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's blow job season.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
