We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
