I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
