I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was born a porn star she said
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
