Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize