dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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