Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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