How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
