i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
