She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
NoShamevember. You game?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
