She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
