we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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