dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
