well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
