I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
