It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize