you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
