I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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