i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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