i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize