At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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