Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
