The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
