Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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