He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
