cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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