Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
