Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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