Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
