erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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