great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
