just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
