the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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