His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
