If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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