Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
