my sisters under your porch take her home
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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