maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
