small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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