you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
